Cop Law – Justice Never Stops Coming 2/5

Part 2 of the 5-part adventure into the world of cops, laws, and Cop Law.
Read the action-packed part 1 for a lot of character development that is vital to the storyline.

Cop Law Title

That evening, Dash pulled up to the abandoned factory and saw a number of impressive officers walking in. He took off his bad boy shades and put on his big boy shades, sucked in his stomach and proceeded to walk towards the entrance. He had waited his whole life for this day, and could barely contain his excitement. Dash sharted, and then walked awkwardly back to the car to get some McDonald’s napkins out of the glove box before walking towards the entrance again.

At the entrance Dash was stopped by a very large bouncer. “What’s the password?” he asked. Dash said the first thing that came to mind. “The law”. The bouncer looked very impressed, and stepped aside to allow Dash entry to a dark room, illuminated only by Mag-Lites, glinting off of the Ray Bans and Oakleys that every officer was wearing. Dash breathed deeply and took in the atmosphere. The atmosphere smelled like Axe Body Spray. These police were the best of the best. These officers put the law above everything else – family, friends, and showers.

Dash pushed inward through the crowd and overheard a few officers talking. “Whenever I am feeling like the law isn’t being served, I relax by cracking open a bear” a burly officer said. Another replied “I also enjoy cracking one of those hairy queens in half for assaulting my Christian morals, followed by a cold beer”, and then the two officers high fived and held hands for a while. Dash never felt more at home.

His euphoric mood clouding his perception skills, Dash didn’t notice the crowd gathering around him like sharks around prey. It was sink or swim, and Dash began to worry that he was in over his head. Was he ready to uphold the law with the impressive degree of duty that these men all held? A heavyset man holding two shotguns parted the crowd, and spoking in a low, rolling voice carrying a very heavy hint of authority, said “I see we have a new recruit. Well recruit, what’s your name?” Dash swallowed heavily and replied “Dash Lookswell”. The crowd broke into whispers as they all repeated his name. Dash could feel a bead of sweat trickle down his back before being absorbed in one of the napkins. “Well Mr. Lookswell, first, we are brothers. Secondly, we are police. And above all else, we are…” silence filled the room. “BROLICE.”

Everyone cheered except for Dash. He would have cheered had he not passed out from extreme amounts of joy and an acute case of napkin poisoning.

Dash woke up slowly. He was in a car, but he wasn’t driving. He looked over after the driver, whom he recognized as the speaker from the previous night. “Hello Dash. I’m Rip Tideberg, but you can call me Babyback.” Dash noticed that the man was black, so he asked “Did you get that nickname because you like BBQ ribs?”. Babyback replied “I have an infinite amount of love for BBQ, but no. I got the title after I first joined the Brolice. I was arresting a belligerent woman when her child assaulted me. The child punched my leg, so I punched that baby back. The law is the law, and if you want to dance with the devil, you’ll get the horns. If that child still has functioning cognitive abilities, he will think twice before committing a crime against the law”.
Dash nodded approvingly and made a mental note that Babyback was to be inducted into his top ten list of people he admired. Dash looked for a pen to make a quick note when Babyback said “Dash, I know why you sought us out. Your chief was shot by crime and you are out for revenge. Well, we’ve tracked the crime to its hideout in an explosion factory and we’re on our way there now.” Dash checked the glove compartment for some napkins, then turned to Babyback and said “2 days ago, I would have called the level of crime in this city a shocker, but now I would say it’s closer to a DVDA. I’m tired of always being the one getting fucked by crime. This time, we’ll be the ones fucking. Let’s fuck crime so hard that there will be nothing left but a pile of ashes from our ensuing white hot vagipocalypse”. Babyback smiled widely and said “I couldn’t have said it any better myself.” He started the car, pulled down his Ray Bans and pulled out of the Tim Horton’s.

At the explosion factory, a man in a purple and lime-green pin-stripe suit walked quickly into a dark room where two men were speaking Italian and eating spaghetti. When they noticed him, they quickly put the spaghetti in their pockets and stood to greet him.
While rubbing stray spaghetti on the lower portions of their suits, they said in unison, “Don Criminoli!” and both bowed deeply. The Don had just received word that the Brolice were closing in on them, which meant someone had spilled the secret of their secret hideout, and Don Criminoli was out for blood. He pulled a small derringer from his inner pocket, and pointed it at both men. “I’m out for blood.” He said, matter of factly. The two men stood dumbfounded, and one ventured to say “W-what would you like us to do about it, boss?”.
The Don thought for a moment, and an evil grin spread across his thin lips. “Rip each other’s arms off.” the Don said, but the men still stood dumbfounded. “Don, even if we still had both of our arms respectively, the process takes a really long time as proven the last time you asked this of us.” Don Criminoli crinkled his crooked nose and gave the men a long stare, pondering his next move. “OK, slap each other a little while. I’m going to fill out some paperwork for our next crime.” The Don turned and happily marched towards his office amidst the sounds of vigorous slapping.

One thought on “Cop Law – Justice Never Stops Coming 2/5

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