Dear Diary

Dear diary, Jessica took my picture today. We are now friends. I visited her last night and watched her sleep. She was so peaceful. She has a lot of nice things in her home, and I tried really not to take anything, but ended up taking a pair of tweezers. I hope she won’t miss […]

Earthquakes

Earthquakes always begin with the creaking joints between the windows. A few noises pop around the room, and it escalates from there. The next thing to happen is the rattling of windowshades and metal. Filing cabinets and desks join in and clatter together. This is when the room comes alive. This is when the plants […]

Kim Jong Il’s Status Downgraded to Kim Jong Dead

With the passing of the Dear Leader due to “overlove of his citizens”, we enter the awkward 3rd age of the Kim dynasty in North Korea. In the beginning, China wanted to give everyone the gift of oppression and got a lot of folks excited over living in drab concrete buildings. Only having recently hopped […]

Portlandia

My hometown only started becoming great after I left. For over a decade I have been away from Portland, and in that time North and Northeast Portland have seen incredible gentrification to the degree that I am now no longer ashamed to admit that I grew up there. North Portland has gotten rid of the […]